And he also recognized that I tried my hardest to make things easier for him and that I wanted to work together to fix things. I have never had someone treat me with such kindness and actually recognize that I didn't make that mistake on purpose. " I held it together for the remaining three hours of my shift, but I burst into tears the second I got in the car to go home. And now you've done everything in your power to help fix it. I didn't, and you made an understandable mistake. We're all human, and as your boss, it was my job to make sure you understood what was asked. I went straight to my boss (it could potentially be a costly mistake) and his response was, 'Thank you for letting me know, and thank you for tracking everything down for me.' I kind of pushed to make sure he understood that I fucked up, and he said, 'Yeah, it's OK. I started my current job right about a year ago, and I found a mistake I had made a few months back. These symptoms can worsen and last for years, so it is. In my first two jobs after college, I had managers who did the same thing, so I just assumed I was the fuckup. Severe anxiety, flashbacks, uncontrollable thoughts and nightmares are common symptoms of the illness. " I went through this my entire childhood and lived with my parents off and on through college. Lost something? I'm also sloppy and careless. Dropped a glass? I was berated for being sloppy and careless (exact words). Received bad grades? I was grounded until the next report card. "Yep, as a kid, I was never allowed to make mistakes. Therapy can teach us how to properly identify and label our emotions so that we can deal with them. We might even engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. This trauma can make it hard to develop a healthy relationship with others and with ourselves. " A quick lesson from years of therapy: If you don't learn how to respect and honor your emotions by letting them speak in healthy ways internally, then they are bound to morph into pathologies that end up popping out sideways or backward socially." Ongoing childhood emotional neglect is a form of child abuse and can lead to lasting trauma. My personal theory is that each response mechanism maps onto the big emotions (anger, disgust/fear, sadness, and joy deferred). "I'm also not an expert, just a survivor. įIGHT (RAGE to be safe) Narcissistic (control to connect)įLIGHT (PERFECT to be safe) Obsessive/Compulsive (perfect to connect)įREEZE (HIDE to be safe) Dissociative (no way I'll connect)įAWN (GROVEL to be safe) Codependent (merge to connect)' 'Traumatized children often over-gravitate to one of these response patterns to survive, and as time passes these four modes become elaborated into entrenched defensive structures. "From Pete Walker's Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: Not an expert, just a survivor, but from what I understand/experienced, it manifests when a victim can’t get out of an unsafe situation and ends up people-pleasing as an attempt to avoid setting off their abuser or minimize the extent of the abuse." It’s an alternative to fight/flight/freeze. vivid flashbacks (feeling like the trauma is happening right now) intrusive thoughts or images nightmares intense distress at real or symbolic reminders of. "Yep, if anyone is interested in this, google fawning.
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